“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed, maybe we need to run free. Until they find someone just as wild to run with” – Carrie Bradshaw
Dating…. Oh dear. Dating as a women in today’s era……. OH DEAR! As you can tell my current dating experience isn’t going so well so far. I’ve learn’t a valuable lesson. Absolutely no one is 100% single in this day and age…….OTHER THAN ME! Guys are either got a girlfriend and hiding it, got a side chick and hiding it or my absolute favourite, desperately rebounding from an ex girlfriend who broke their heart and dumping it on me after we’ve been dating for 6 weeks. So buckle up ladies and gentlemen its going to be a bumpy, honest, but very hilarious ride.
There are so many issues with how dating works now. Everything and everyone seem so temporary. You’ll be lucky to be speaking to someone longer than three weeks. There is such a thing as a burn out period. You know when you’re ‘whats apping’ everyday, waking up to cute little morning messages, funny voice note jokes and face timing of an evening. You’ve felt like you have never felt a connection like it. Two weeks later you’re obsessing over how long you leave it before you reply because they’ve left you on read for two hours and thirty-six minutes and eleven seconds as well as checking if they’ve watched your Instagram or snapchat story. Normally at that point I become bored as I assumed they have. Then they drop into the ‘look what the selfie dragged in’ category.
How do women meet these people…. Through 15 different apps on their mobile phone. Because god forbid a male actually has the confidence to approach you in the real world and ask for your number. I literally can’t remember the last time that happened to me. How would you respond if that actually happened to you now? I think I would burst into tears of laughter because my brain wouldn’t even know how to function with such elaborate social interactions. Trailing through iMessages, whats app’s, direct messages and pokes the love of your life could be sitting there within them and we have no fucking clue how to get past the mundane “Hi, how are you?”. It’s so bad I genuinely have a template message that everyone gets to get the conversation going. It involves some cheesy one liner about pineapple on pizza. Desperate? I think not. The male species conversation skills are as refined as them hurling a wet lettuce in your face.
If you’re lucky you may end up talking to one who actually takes the initiative and plans a real date. you know, the one where you eat a meal and have an actual conversation. Not a fake date where a guy tries to ply you with as much alcohol as possible as fast as possible, while slyly catching a glimpse of your tits or your ass, in hopes that you’ll allow him to cop a feel. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. This has happened to me and no I did not allow him to cop a feel. His response was quite amusing. From that point he decided to jump on a slot machine and pretend I was invisible for twenty whole minutes. Oh the male ego is such an adorable sensitive thing, men can’t handle shit! Back to the real dates. So you’re there. He’s listening to your strange opinions and genuinely seems interested. In these moments you think “hey, this one is different!”. They are the perfect gentlemen, take you home. you share a kiss good night after you thank them for a wonderful evening. From that point on the brain goes ‘BING’. The bing, it’s that moment when you’re interested in ONE guy. Even if you tried, you cannot even hold a conversation with another male. I seen myself do the ‘Classic Fuckboy Actions’ in this state (I have to admit, it is kind of liberating). Slow replying, make promises you know you don’t want to keep and maybe just fucking ghost! The weird thing is, the more you continue these actions the more these other guys like you. Once again men are strange.
Let me delve a little deeper into a personal experience of mine. The dates continue, they get even more romantic. Hooked like a heroin addict. These guys exacerbate the situation by bringing up future situations with you. Like holidays, kids, marriage. Swear to god, one guy took my ring off my index finger and placed it on my ring finger to try it for size after he asked what my ring size was. I kid you not. I was stunned! He then proceeded to offer to take me to get my nails done for a ‘TREAT’, I declined. I was sucked in at that point. “BING!” my brain goes. Spending more time together, then the FUCKING FEELINGS happen. Then I did it. The sexual encounter……..Then shit gets real. No more morning messages, no more phone calls. It’s like the person you’ve been dating. Their representative has pissed off on annual leave and you are left with some selfish shell of a guy who treats you like a flaming yellow starburst or Michelle from Destiny’s Child. Was I pissed off? fuck yes! Did I continue to make excuses for his actions in my head. Hell fucking yes! It didn’t last very long though. the devil was in my ear, telling me to write a paragraph. Go ape shit on his beautiful tanned self. I did it and you know what? I got hit with the proverbial “it’s not you it’s me, you’re amazing”. Guys can I just say, you don’t have to lead her down the garden path for sex. I’m sure there’s lots of ladies out there without a battery operated boyfriend’s who you could lend a hand.
If you think that story is bad, get a load of this! two years ago I dated a non-committer. You know the same old recycled story of bullshit. I quickly left him to his lonely little life and blocked him. (blocking seems to be my thing as of late). Nine months after curiosity killed the cat, I checked to see what he was doing on Facebook and to see that this guy was….. MARRIED! LOOOOOOOOL. Okay Mr I’m not ready for a relationship. so recently I receive a message on whats app from a +44. It was him, confessing that he tried to contact me after blocking him, to tell me he had made a mistake blah blah blah. Here he was on a different number. Telling me this and still married. The conversation died pretty quickly. It gave me the impression that. men are still utter twats even when they are supposedly committed. I sat there thinking to myself “what am I actually dating for?”.
So finally where do I go from here? Not all men are idiots, I understand that. It just seems the nice ones are actually already taken or maybe gay. It will be hard for the so called ‘one’ to convince me at this point, because of all the spanners of the dating past that have been thrusted into my own woeful forever failing dating tale. However I can give some very wise advice.
How to tell if a guy isn’t really into you
- He messages you all the time
- He plans the most romantic dates
- Talks about future dates and experiences you will share
- He is the perfect gentleman, giving you constant compliments
- ….And after all that he tells you he’s not ready for a fucking commitment!
Don’t get sucked in by the smouldering looks you receive across the dinner table and certainly don’t allow your mind to run wild, thinking of what your future children will look like. Remember that you’re worth your own weight in gold and someone should treat you as such. Chivalry may be dead but your own self worth is not. If a guy is giving you the vibes that he’s not interested, listen to your gut. Do not trail through youtube for hours of dating advice that fills you with hope that he might get his act together because it’s just not going to happen! Guys genuinely go hard for someone they like and make it blatantly obvious and tell you constantly. Dating is for people to find out whether they actually like spending time with someone, not to find out whether they can marry you or not. If you’re lucky you’ll get an honest one who will tell you the absolute truth and you’ll appreciate the time he’s just saved you. Most importantly be all for settling down but not for settling.
So ladies if I could give you another one final golden nugget of advice. When it comes to dating….. Just don’t do it! or take a monetary deposit from them to make sure they don’t waste you time. Haha only joking girls, go out, have dinners and drinks, enjoy meeting people. Dating has a powerful way of showing you yourself and most importantly show you how you should be treated as well as love yourself. Be in your sassiness and make the boys beg.
Love and Light Slay with slice