Slaying my way through the dating scene; 21st Century style

Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed, maybe we need to run free. Until they find someone just as wild to run with” – Carrie Bradshaw

Dating…. Oh dear. Dating as a women in today’s era……. OH DEAR! As you can tell my current dating experience isn’t going so well so far. I’ve learn’t a valuable lesson. Absolutely no one is 100% single in this day and age…….OTHER THAN ME! Guys are either got a girlfriend and hiding it, got a side chick and hiding it or my absolute favourite, desperately rebounding from an ex girlfriend who broke their heart and dumping it on me after we’ve been dating for 6 weeks. So buckle up ladies and gentlemen its going to be a bumpy, honest, but very hilarious ride.

There are so many issues with how dating works now. Everything and everyone seem so temporary. You’ll be lucky to be speaking to someone longer than three weeks. There is such a thing as a burn out period. You know when you’re ‘whats apping’ everyday, waking up to cute little morning messages, funny voice note jokes and face timing of an evening. You’ve felt like you have never felt a connection like it. Two weeks later you’re obsessing over how long you leave it before you reply because they’ve left you on read for two hours and thirty-six minutes and eleven seconds as well as checking if they’ve watched your Instagram or snapchat story. Normally at that point I become bored as I assumed they have. Then they drop into the ‘look what the selfie dragged in’ category.

How do women meet these people…. Through 15 different apps on their mobile phone. Because god forbid a male actually has the confidence to approach you in the real world and ask for your number. I literally can’t remember the last time that happened to me. How would you respond if that actually happened to you now? I think I would burst into tears of laughter because my brain wouldn’t even know how to function with such elaborate social interactions. Trailing through iMessages, whats app’s, direct messages and pokes the love of your life could be sitting there within them and we have no fucking clue how to get past the mundane “Hi, how are you?”. It’s so bad I genuinely have a template message that everyone gets to get the conversation going. It involves some cheesy one liner about pineapple on pizza. Desperate? I think not. The male species conversation skills are as refined as them hurling a wet lettuce in your face.

If you’re lucky you may end up talking to one who actually takes the initiative and plans a real date. you know, the one where you eat a meal and have an actual conversation. Not a fake date where a guy tries to ply you with as much alcohol as possible as fast as possible, while slyly catching a glimpse of your tits or your ass, in hopes that you’ll allow him to cop a feel. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. This has happened to me and no I did not allow him to cop a feel. His response was quite amusing. From that point he decided to jump on a slot machine and pretend I was invisible for twenty whole minutes. Oh the male ego is such an adorable sensitive thing, men can’t handle shit! Back to the real dates. So you’re there. He’s listening to your strange opinions and genuinely seems interested. In these moments you think “hey, this one is different!”. They are the perfect gentlemen, take you home. you share a kiss good night after you thank them for a wonderful evening. From that point on the brain goes ‘BING’. The bing, it’s that moment when you’re interested in ONE guy. Even if you tried, you cannot even hold a conversation with another male. I seen myself do the ‘Classic Fuckboy Actions’ in this state (I have to admit, it is kind of liberating). Slow replying, make promises you know you don’t want to keep and maybe just fucking ghost! The weird thing is, the more you continue these actions the more these other guys like you. Once again men are strange.

Let me delve a little deeper into a personal experience of mine. The dates continue, they get even more romantic. Hooked like a heroin addict. These guys exacerbate the situation by bringing up future situations with you. Like holidays, kids, marriage. Swear to god, one guy took my ring off my index finger and placed it on my ring finger to try it for size after he asked what my ring size was. I kid you not. I was stunned! He then proceeded to offer to take me to get my nails done for a ‘TREAT’, I declined. I was sucked in at that point. “BING!” my brain goes. Spending more time together, then the FUCKING FEELINGS happen. Then I did it. The sexual encounter……..Then shit gets real. No more morning messages, no more phone calls. It’s like the person you’ve been dating. Their representative has pissed off on annual leave and you are left with some selfish shell of a guy who treats you like a flaming yellow starburst or Michelle from Destiny’s Child. Was I pissed off? fuck yes! Did I continue to make excuses for his actions in my head. Hell fucking yes! It didn’t last very long though. the devil was in my ear, telling me to write a paragraph. Go ape shit on his beautiful tanned self. I did it and you know what? I got hit with the proverbial “it’s not you it’s me, you’re amazing”. Guys can I just say, you don’t have to lead her down the garden path for sex. I’m sure there’s lots of ladies out there without a battery operated boyfriend’s who you could lend a hand.

If you think that story is bad, get a load of this! two years ago I dated a non-committer. You know the same old recycled story of bullshit. I quickly left him to his lonely little life and blocked him. (blocking seems to be my thing as of late). Nine months after curiosity killed the cat, I checked to see what he was doing on Facebook and to see that this guy was….. MARRIED! LOOOOOOOOL. Okay Mr I’m not ready for a relationship. so recently I receive a message on whats app from a +44. It was him, confessing that he tried to contact me after blocking him, to tell me he had made a mistake blah blah blah. Here he was on a different number. Telling me this and still married. The conversation died pretty quickly. It gave me the impression that. men are still utter twats even when they are supposedly committed. I sat there thinking to myself “what am I actually dating for?”.

So finally where do I go from here? Not all men are idiots, I understand that. It just seems the nice ones are actually already taken or maybe gay. It will be hard for the so called ‘one’ to convince me at this point, because of all the spanners of the dating past that have been thrusted into my own woeful forever failing dating tale. However I can give some very wise advice.

How to tell if a guy isn’t really into you

  1. He messages you all the time
  2. He plans the most romantic dates
  3. Talks about future dates and experiences you will share
  4. He is the perfect gentleman, giving you constant compliments
  5. ….And after all that he tells you he’s not ready for a fucking commitment!

Don’t get sucked in by the smouldering looks you receive across the dinner table and certainly don’t allow your mind to run wild, thinking of what your future children will look like. Remember that you’re worth your own weight in gold and someone should treat you as such. Chivalry may be dead but your own self worth is not. If a guy is giving you the vibes that he’s not interested, listen to your gut. Do not trail through youtube for hours of dating advice that fills you with hope that he might get his act together because it’s just not going to happen! Guys genuinely go hard for someone they like and make it blatantly obvious and tell you constantly. Dating is for people to find out whether they actually like spending time with someone, not to find out whether they can marry you or not. If you’re lucky you’ll get an honest one who will tell you the absolute truth and you’ll appreciate the time he’s just saved you. Most importantly be all for settling down but not for settling.

So ladies if I could give you another one final golden nugget of advice. When it comes to dating….. Just don’t do it! or take a monetary deposit from them to make sure they don’t waste you time. Haha only joking girls, go out, have dinners and drinks, enjoy meeting people. Dating has a powerful way of showing you yourself and most importantly show you how you should be treated as well as love yourself. Be in your sassiness and make the boys beg.

Love and Light Slay with slice

 

 

 

 

 

The Incredible Slay with Slice

“This is your one and only life…What do you wanna tell people about it” – Jessica James

Hi world. I know……It’s been a while.

We live in a world where we all want to do better, be better and get better. However when do we just stop and appreciate our own power and sense of awesomeness. I know I can spend so much time trying to stamp out every insecurity of my own being that I forget how fucking amazing I actually am. Everybody does…..

I ask myself these three questions. Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? How do I get there? Why is everything in life about the end goal, the destination. Does the journey not exist? Because really…. And let me be brutally honest about this without judgement. (There I go with the insecurity again) I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO ANSWER TO ANY OF THOSE THREE QUESTIONS! I love to start things……then I start new things. Now here I am with 1000 creative notches on my hypothetical bedpost and a bunch of great stories. Don’t get me wrong I’m not sitting here doing nothing. I love the things I do in life now. I should just appreciate who I actually am a lot more than I do.

So who am I really? I’m an oxymoron, that’s what! Everything I do and say is a contradiction. I love it. Being around people makes me extremely happy but also so drained that I wanna go home and wrap myself in my quilt, then mong out to 7 seasons of some mushy romantic comedy, or maybe a mind opening documentary of why the world is such a terrible place to be. In the past I’ve loved so intensely with all my heart and soul and got my heartbroken. Then I’ve settled, settled for less. I’ve been in a relationship where my finger has been hovering over the eject button for 95% of the entire time I endured the horror of that chapter of my love life.

I have been through my own fair share of trials and tribulations but to look at me, you wouldn’t think that at all. I’ve perfected the art of having that unbothered mask on without truly letting anyone understand who I am. Strong but vulnerable? A single mother who although does an incredible job of bringing up a vivacious and funny little 8 year old. I still don’t think I’ve mastered the real art of maturity and at heart I’m still that 21 year old girl that is in respect kind of winging it, anyone else feel the same?

So before I ramble on aimlessly anymore, I think I would like to make my point now. would I want to be anyone else? Hell to the Nizzay! I’m funny, my life is a string of funny moments all put together. Regardless of how embarrassing and mind numbingly regrettable as they may seem, they serve as moments of laughter at a later date. I have a way of articulating my life experiences for your reading pleasure, so that maybe you could laugh with me rather than at me lol. If you’re ever thinking about what to do with your life think F**k it, till the wheel of fortune turns in your favour and leads you to it. Until then ride the rollercoaster of life, throw your arms in the air and enjoy the thrill of it. Try everything out that you enjoy, start to put notches on your hypothetical bedpost of creative abilities. Buy some fucking crystals…… Just don’t be so flaming hard on yourself. the BS is exhausting…..

Love and Light Slay with Slice

 

Curls with Cantu

We do not go ‘natural’, we return. ‘Natural’, is where it began.” – Unknown

I have been so excited for my new curly hair journey product delivery. I had ordered two sets of natural curl products and I knew my first one would be the Cantu Shea butter line as I have an Amazon Prime account. The reason I have been super excited is because for the past two days, I’ve been obsessing over YouTube tutorials of girls with those beautiful luscious locks. They have obviously, basically completed their hair journey of returning back to natural…so why not take the advice from the people who have done it themselves? I got all my product ideas from a woman from Instagram who has a page dedicated to natural curly hair (@definedbycurls). The Cantu Shea butter line is supposed to be friendly on natural hair, free from sulfates, silicones, parabens and mineral oils. So basically anything that is supposed to be good for the hair is good enough for me.

Firstly the cleansing cream shampoo; I was particularly surprised with how much lather there was in it. I did hear on YouTube that anything without sulfates doesn’t lather in the hair but still cleaned, yet this did. I was so happy when I felt the lather between my finger tips. I think I’ve been so used to cleaning my hair in suds for so long, that if it didn’t, my brain would automatically think it has not been cleaned, so that was a huge plus for me. It didn’t feel harsh on the hair and when I washed it out, it almost felt like I had already conditioned my hair. It smells amazing too.

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Being as my hair has some serious heat damage and bleach damage, I have learned that weekly deep conditioning treatments are an absolute must. So I sectioned my hair without finger detangling yet because I didn’t want to put my hair under any unnecessary stress. I picked up a gloop of the product and started to layer it all over my hair starting from the ends, as its the oldest part of my hair and the part that needed it the most. Once completed I pulled my hair on top of my head and put a plastic shower cap over the top, proceeding to wrap a towel around it to retain the natural warmth from my head. I left the product on for around 45minutes, then washed it off with warm water. When i tell you my hair was sooooo soft, it actually just glided through my hands. For the first time I had used something that I knew from the get go, was so good for my hair. Again this product also smells good.

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Now I don’t know if I was being over the top with the conditioners, but I thought why not try the other hydrating cream conditioner. I did need to finger detangle my hair and comb through it. This conditioner had the right amount of ‘slip’ for detangling as well so this was great. I just put some in my hair and in four sections again covered my locks in it, starting from the ends leading to the roots. Then I detangled and combed through it as normal with regular conditioner once I was all knot free. I rinsed off with cold water to close up my hair cuticle and seal up all the moisture from the conditioners to make sure my hair looks as shiny and as healthy as it can possibly look at this point. I’m no product expert, but I am really digging these products so far.

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Last but not least was my final step with the Cantu Shea butter leave in conditioner, that apparently provides intense moisture, leaving hair soft and manageable. I needed me some of that. When I got out the shower, instead of wrapping my hair in a towel, I wrapped mine up in a t-shirt. Towels leave your hair prone to frizz and I know when I was younger frizz was my worst enemy…seriously for years frizz plagued my entire life. I then unwrapped my hair and separated into four sections before raking the leave in through my hair, end to root again. My hair is quite thin so I really didn’t need a lot of product which is amazing. I don’t want my hair to be weighed down by a lot of product which would lead to build up with wash and go’s. As I started to scrunch, I noticed these really pretty curl patterns forming in my hair and I was like “yyyaaaassssssss!”. I let my hair dry naturally as I was putting my face on. I’m seriously going cold turkey on this no heat deal and honestly I am loving it. I could of definitely done with a curl definer to make sure frizz is totally at bay, but I do have one of those on the way so it’s cool. All in all these products are amazing. The price is totally inexpensive so if you’re starting out with your natural hair journey and need to buy everything, start with Cantu. My hair looks a lot more curly with these products on, so with patience hopefully my hair will begin to flourish and grow longer than it ever has been.

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My day three hair so far, yaaaaay!

Slice’s Favourite Highlighters

If you can’t see your highlight from space, then you’re not wearing enough” – Unknown

I’m no makeup expert but I love a good highlight. I think it just takes any make up look and makes it amazing, kinda like icing on a cake. I’ve tried so many in my time that I have such a huge collection now, but I’m going to pick out my favourites and tell you why I love them so much.

  1. BECCA Jaclyn Hill Shimmering Skin Perfector – Champagne Pop (8g) £32

Now I’ve heard people saying that they aren’t really feeling the champagne pop. They feel there are better options out there, but for me I cannot get my love for this product out of my system. I literally lovvvvvvve it so much that even when I smashed it, I still kept it. There was no way I was going to let that bad boy go. I find the colour perfect for my skin tone and the product just feels so smooth on the skin, champagne pop definitely will have a place in my makeup collection forever! The only down side is how many times people say how easily it smashes, I did fix it but within a week it had just broke again. So if you’re accident prone with your makeup and wanted this, make sure you are so careful. I want to cry at the sight of mine everytime I do my make up. I really do need to get a new one.

2. Topshop Glow Highlighter in GLEAM £10

I’ve had this little pot in my collection forever but I kind of wrote it off too early. I then felt my makeup routine was becoming a little stale…you know when your selfies aren’t looking as popping as they used to be and you feel your face is just a bit meh. Truly stale! Then I watched a makeup tutorial of newer products and this little glow pot was included. Step by step I followed it precisely and put this beauty on my face….I will never look back. Honestly, when I say you could see my highlight from space! It just makes any powder highlight you put on top of it look like it’s been in the gym doing steroids. This little miracle has completely changed my makeup and I am now a believer of the cream highlighters. The colour is kinda like a rose gold and with just a tiny bit dabbed on to your face and paired with champagne pop, you’ll be a believer too. Go get yourself one, it’s so inexpensive too.

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3. Sleek Highlighting Palette in colour Cleo’s Kiss £10

This is something new I have added to my makeup collection. I’ve been out of the loop makeup wise and focusing more on fashion so have no idea how long this product has been available, but I am absolutely crazy about it. Not only does it include cream and powder highlighters, but the colours are actually incredible and look so dewy on the skin too. They are a dream and sooooo cheap. It comes in the most beautiful gold compact with a mirror and has 4 gold based shades called Sphinx, Delta, Dynasty and Goddess. If I’m honest the creams aren’t as good as the glow pot, but this a definite must for the summer as people start bronzing and tanning themselves.

4. Mac Cosmetics Limited Edition Nutcracker Sweet Copper Face Compact

I’m so sorry to include something that is a limited edition but the highlighter that is inside this compact is to die for. I didn’t know that this was a cult favourite when I got it and I only got it by chance when shopping down in Canterbury. However I can see just why it is a cult fave. It comes with the extra dimension skin finish highlighter in shade whisper of gilt, which gives an intense shine with an almost wet look to the skin and the gold reflects light so well. I absolutely adore this particular colour. The palette also includes an extra dimension blush in the shade Pleasure Model, a warm copper/pink colour with a satin finish which is teamed nicely with the highlighter to give a light reflected look. A dupe for whisper of gilt is Laura Geller Baked Gelato Swirl Illuminator in Gilded honey for £16.50 from Beauty Bay so check that out.

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Naturally Curly Journey Day One

I was shy, but it came out in a big personality. My turning point was when I let my hair go naturally” – Tracee Ellis Ross

Here I am, at a turning point. Ditching the heat from my hairdryer and straighteners, choosing the life of curls and I cannot tell you how excited I am. It wasn’t something I thought about for ages, I just knew that something needed to change because I couldn’t handle having thin lifeless hair any longer.

As a child/teen my family really didn’t have a clue about what to do with my hair…most of the time my natural curls were brushed back and put in a ponytail, with the most ridiculous frizzy bits sticking out at the side. I remember at one point, my grandmother, took me to an Afro-Caribbean hair salon and their answer was to relax my hair. I now find this absolutely outrageous because my hair was so soft, all it needed was the right products with some good know how. Haha peep the triangle hair!

Going further into my teens, I got my first pair of straighteners, the old school Futura ones. My aunt was always telling me “don’t straighten your hair everyday”, but seeing as I was the geeky teen who always had the ridiculous hair thats exactly what I did. And my beautiful virgin long hair gradually got shorter and shorter and shorter.

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I started hairdressing college when I was 16 when everything just got dramatically worse…does everyone who does hairdressing feel determined to absolutely fry their hair or was it just me? I did everything…cut it, shave it, dye it, bleach it and relax it. By the time I left I literally had nothing left. Now here is something that I never ever told people but I’m about to share for the first time…due to some tragic circumstances that had happened during my childhood and adolescence, at 17 I developed an impulse control disorder called Trichotillomania, TTM for short. It basically means I have the urge to pull out my hair strand by strand, and people that suffer with this can do it for hours on end without even realising. Before you know it, there’s a ball of hair on your lap that you have actually pulled out of your own scalp. The risk of this is that if the pulling is not stopped over the years, it can leave lasting damage and cause your hair not to grow back at all. At the time I didn’t even realise this was a ‘thing’ and a few years passed. I had given birth to my son and was watching television…Channel 4 to be exact. A documentary came on called ‘Girls On The Pull’. I sat there in tears that I was finally realising I wasn’t this weirdo keeping this secret from everyone. At one point I always wore a hat. Can you imagine how that made me feel? Feeling that insecure that I couldn’t go through life without a hat. I developed some coping mechanisms over the years but still to this day suffer with it on a daily basis. I have certain pull sites on my scalp that are practically bald. At the moment if I’m honest I don’t have the confidence to show you a picture of my scalp but hopefully as time goes on and my hair improves, I can show you before and afters.

In 2014, I started experimenting with wearing my hair curly but didn’t really know how to do it. It looked frizzy but I kind of tried to make it work. Then I saw someone post about a curl creme from Boots, and it was so inexpensive that I thought why not? For the first time in forever I found a way to make my curls work and it was so much easier than the straightening routine, so in truth I stuck with it out of pure laziness haha. A couple of years went by and I went through a breakup, so I wanted to bring sexy back so to speak. I straightened my hair and because I had not put heat on my hair for so long it was no longer damaged and so shiny. Don’t get me wrong I was still pulling out my hair, but it hadn’t been in such good condition for so long. So instead of sticking to the curls, I got my hair bleached and straightened it day after day after day. So here I am back at square one, damaged thin hair…I needed to make a change.

Yesterday I got out of the bath, my sister was round at the time. I needed to get ready pretty quickly and tried to leave my hair to air dry. What I saw was frizzy stringy damaged curls and I knew my hair had seen better days, so in a split decision I decided to go natural and I mean seriously natural. Natural hair needs natural products and I was determined to get the ball rolling. I jumped on YouTube to get a few tips and hacks, in addition to stalking a womans Instagram dedicated to curls (@definedbycurls). She has done her own hair journey and I swear to you her hair is absolutely insane…I practically got every product she put on her Instagram. They haven’t been delivered yet but when they do I will be testing them out and blogging about them as well as other tips I’ve picked up from my 6 hours of research.

Eventually the goal is to get one of those fabulous deva cuts, but I have a long way to go before that happens. I have cut off some of my outrageous damaged ends and will start a regime to curly fabulous hair. I feel this journey might help me control my struggle with TTM and give it a chance to grow and hopefully raise awareness of a disorder that can completely strip away your self esteem and femininity.

If anyone out there suffers the same as me, you are not alone in this. Sam Friers suffers with TTM and pulls out her eyelashes which inspired her to bring out her own lashes.

That is the first time I have ever shared that with anyone other than my closest friends. Honesty hour is officially over. Keep your eyes peeled for more posts on my hair journey. Below is my selfie from day one of my journey, I love my curls already……

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Get You A Slay-Station

At the dressing table, every woman has a chance to be an artist, and art, as Aristotle said ‘completes what nature left unfinished.'” – Sofia Loren

You ever think that you have too much makeup and not enough storage? Yeah, Me too. I was having this issue. I had the Dunelm dressing table and some acrylic draws, problem was if you had palettes of contour kits and eyeshadows, like me you had no where to put all of this stuff. I was not prepared to get rid of anything, at all, no sir-y. To me make up was like collectors items you buy it and keep it because you never know when you’ll use it next. After approximately 30 seconds of deliberation (no joke, I make decisions just like that hahahaha) I decided I needed a dressing table with a huge draw. I remembered my cousin’s boyfriend got my cousin THE perfect dressing table for mothers day (I know right how perfect is that) it had the biggest draw, it was like huge. I needed it. I remembered it had a very Ikea-esque look so I checked the website and eureka it was there and sooooo cheap! £79! Could it be anymore perfect? obviously it has no mirror, but what I thought was the take the mirror from my old dressing table and just pop it on to the new one, problem solved. The next day I was in Ikea in all its glory, couldn’t you just spend hours in that place? It is literally an interior designers heaven. I spotted the perfect little organisers for 80p each too, I picked it 5 of them, I just thought I could have little sections dedicated to different types of cosmetics. Finally I can do my make up and keep some kind of organisation or at least try. I went home with this excited feeling in my stomach, I have never been so excited to put up flat pack furniture in my life……

As I am a stereotypical female I didn’t have a screwdriver so had to know on the neighbours too to get one hahaha. It took me around 25 minutes to put it up, and I just stepped back in awe of my beautiful creation, you think I’m joking…I stood there just staring at it. I got a little lamp to lighten up the space with a couple of candles and the only bit of makeup on show was my MAC Cosmetic lipsticks in an acrylic set of draw I got from the British Home Stores (BHS) a while ago.

I will just add that since creating my slay station. I have discovered it is not perfect until I get my hands on a LullaBellz Vanity diva mirror. Now they are pricey but look totally worth it. If anyone wants to buy me one feel free (inserts emoji laughing faces) No but seriously they look incredible and they have a little power socket in the side of them for your hair straighters. How inventive………

MALM Dressing table IKEA £79

Organisers 80p each

Makeup Brush pots £2 each

Lamp stand £9 and light shade £5

Wanted! LULLABELLZ LED Bulb Hollywood Vanity Mirror £380

The Eyebrow FairyGodmother

Great eyebrows don’t happen by chance…..They happen by appointment” – Unknown

So for years I have struggled with the slugs on my forehead. I have stuck to threading for years. However as time went on I started to see they didn’t match like they used to and nothing I tried could make them look like they were related. I’ve spent endless hours in the eyebrow chair unhappy with the results. The threading lady would either make them sliver thin or take little to nothing of my regrowth off. That was it, I decided it was time for a change to really slay. I had trailed through endless eyebrow accounts but I find it so hard to trust anyone doing anything to my face, because it’s ON MY FACE! I couldn’t afford going into hiding for a month to sort out a blunder I had made by choosing the wrong person. A friend mentioned to me how good her friend was at eyebrows and if there is anyone I can trust it is my friend Danielle’s (@ohdamdani) opinion. A sassy lady called Connie who I had followed for ages was a short drive away from me, so I hit her up in the DM’s, asked her about prices and booked in with her straight away. So the Friday morning I made my way to Labou salon near Tamworth in the West Midlands, went inside and took a seat. Such a friendly atmosphere and in such a glamorous salon, I was very very impressed. I got in the chair and let Connie get to work. When she was finished I was actually amazed that my eyebrows could look so good, I felt genuinely excited to redo my makeup. You know how us girls are, get anything done to our face and hair and we have to go home and redo our faces for the gram hahaha. I definitely recommend her to anyone that reads my blog and wants to get their brows done by someone with a genuine talent.

Connie’s eyebrow Instagram – @connieleahhdbrows_    Price £25

Labou, Middleton House Farm, Middleton, Nr Tamworth, B78 2BD

Telephone Number – 01675 475300